By Kathy Hoeck
Inspiration is a fleeting thing; any writer knows that. To make sure that “perfect” feeling, idea, or word doesn’t get lost forever, we often just grab the nearest scrap of paper and scribble our thoughts down. Yes, at the moment, we have written poetry. But we have not necessarily written good poetry.
It’s tempting to say, “Well, this is what I was feeling, so this is what I wrote. I can’t change what I was feeling, you know.” Of course, feelings are not revisable, but the words with which we choose to express those most personal thoughts and emotions are. When the inspiration hits you, you probably not only scrambled for the nearest piece of paper, but you scrambled for the easiest words possible, the ones that came to mind most quickly. It may be destructive to think that your initial scrawlings are sacred, for often they are not precise or may not convey the fullest possible meaning you felt or intended.
Careful revision of the words you first wrote down at the moment of inspiration may be required in order to give your work polish, depth, and a more professional sound. Your true feelings and intentions can be clarified through the use of language that is more vivid and accurate. Imagery, which has been called “the soul of poetry,” can be incorporated into your work after giving some time to deeper thought and reflection. And since the rhythm and lyricism of poetry is an important aspect of the art, your poetry’s sound can be examined and bettered through the matching and arranging of words that create a certain feeling through the timbre of their syllables.
Learning Through Example
Perhaps the best way to illustrate the power of revision is to show how it can work. Here is a line of poetry:
“The singing of the birds in the morning makes me want to fly with them.”
This line of poetry certainly attempts to convey a dramatic idea. However, its intended strength is weighed down by words that do not mirror the joy and inspiration the author must be feeling. So the revision begins. First, since conciseness and precise word choice are keys to good poetry, this line is probably too long. The use of the prepositional phrases “of the birds” and “in the morning” could be removed or changed to “The birds’ morning singing.”
Second, although alliteration is a good technique to use in your work, the repetition of the “th” sound here isn’t especially lyrical. “With them” could be removed, since it repeats the “th” sound twice in a row. It is also unnecessary since we can assume that the author wants to fly with who else? the birds.
So here is our first revision, removing unnecessary phrases and non-lyrical alliteration:
“The birds’ morning singing makes me want to fly.”
Reading this line, you will notice and alliteration—the “ing” sound that is a little difficult to say. This could be changed to “The birds’ morning song,” a grouping that now has the pleasing repetition of the “o” and “n” sounds.
Now consider the phrase “makes me want to fly.” Actually, these words are the crux of the poem. They are meant to express the depth of feeling that the author derives from the song of the birds. These words, however, do not really capture such a strong emotion. Perhaps a phrase such as “moves mountains within” can better illustrate those feelings inside that so moved the author. The imagery used here helps convey the intensity and magnitude of the author’s feeling. These words also sound pleasing, with alliteration of the “m” sound at the beginning and the “n” sound at the ends of the last two words.
The next revision looks and sounds like this:
“The birds’ morning song moves mountains within.”
Now, the revisions are almost complete. As it is now, the line does not really express the author’s desire to fly with the birds. Our prior revision helps to clarify the author’s deep emotion but leaves out the desire to fly. Since it is morning, the author has probably just awoken to the singing, so perhaps “I rise to fly” would be good. These words are filled with action that surpasses the wish to soar with the birds and instead supposes that they author can fly though it may be in spirit rather than reality. The “i” sound that appears three times in this short phrase sounds good in contrast to the previous repetition of the harder “n” and “m” sounds.
Here is the result of the third revision:
“The birds’ morning song moves mountains within and I rise to fly.”
One final change could be made here. As it is a truly unnecessary word, “The” could be removed altogether. “Birds’ morning song” is a beautiful and adequate expression of what the author hears when he awakes.
Now that your revisions are complete, compare the two lines of poetry:
“The singing of the birds in the morning makes me want to fly with them.”
Versus
“Birds’ morning song moves mountains within and I rise to fly.”
The original line of poetry sounds almost like a statement of fact, whereas the second, revised line sounds lyrical, ethereal and more like a statement of feeling.
Rules of Revising
Revision of this one line of poetry took three groups of changes. It may even take more than that to give your work that correct meaning and sound, but it is essential in order to make your first thoughts into a good poem. Poetry is a brief look into the soul through careful description of feeling, yet it takes as much effort to polish a poem as it does to complete a short story.
As E. C. Stedman wrote: “Poetry is an art, and chief of the fine arts; the easiest to dabble in, the hardest in which to reach true perfection.”
Important things to remember when you have written poetry and are faced with the task of revising:
--Use your Thesaurus (or use the online Thesaurus here at Poetry.com – just click on “Need Help Rhyming?”). It is a valuable source for those words that might not come quickly to mind but may help you express your ideas more accurately and vividly.
--Remember that the use of imagery and symbolism can give your poem a special depth. If you are too literal in your writing, your readers may be able to relate only to your words and not to any deeper meaning.
--Avoid phrases, images, and rhymings that are overused clichés, such as shady nook, babbling brook, moon-June, etc. Be creative and explore new words and descriptions.
--Be objective. This is difficult since it is easy to confuse the power of your feelings with your original words. Don’t make your first draft sacred. Time and thought help your work blossom and revisions allow for new thoughts to seep into and flavor your poetry.
Your original writings capture your strongest emotions. Your revisions should do that as well, but they can also reveal just how much you care about your work and your desire to fashion words in the most lyrical and beautiful way.
It’s tempting to say, “Well, this is what I was feeling, so this is what I wrote. I can’t change what I was feeling, you know.” Of course, feelings are not revisable, but the words with which we choose to express those most personal thoughts and emotions are. When the inspiration hits you, you probably not only scrambled for the nearest piece of paper, but you scrambled for the easiest words possible, the ones that came to mind most quickly. It may be destructive to think that your initial scrawlings are sacred, for often they are not precise or may not convey the fullest possible meaning you felt or intended.
Careful revision of the words you first wrote down at the moment of inspiration may be required in order to give your work polish, depth, and a more professional sound. Your true feelings and intentions can be clarified through the use of language that is more vivid and accurate. Imagery, which has been called “the soul of poetry,” can be incorporated into your work after giving some time to deeper thought and reflection. And since the rhythm and lyricism of poetry is an important aspect of the art, your poetry’s sound can be examined and bettered through the matching and arranging of words that create a certain feeling through the timbre of their syllables.
Learning Through Example
Perhaps the best way to illustrate the power of revision is to show how it can work. Here is a line of poetry:
“The singing of the birds in the morning makes me want to fly with them.”
This line of poetry certainly attempts to convey a dramatic idea. However, its intended strength is weighed down by words that do not mirror the joy and inspiration the author must be feeling. So the revision begins. First, since conciseness and precise word choice are keys to good poetry, this line is probably too long. The use of the prepositional phrases “of the birds” and “in the morning” could be removed or changed to “The birds’ morning singing.”
Second, although alliteration is a good technique to use in your work, the repetition of the “th” sound here isn’t especially lyrical. “With them” could be removed, since it repeats the “th” sound twice in a row. It is also unnecessary since we can assume that the author wants to fly with who else? the birds.
So here is our first revision, removing unnecessary phrases and non-lyrical alliteration:
“The birds’ morning singing makes me want to fly.”
Reading this line, you will notice and alliteration—the “ing” sound that is a little difficult to say. This could be changed to “The birds’ morning song,” a grouping that now has the pleasing repetition of the “o” and “n” sounds.
Now consider the phrase “makes me want to fly.” Actually, these words are the crux of the poem. They are meant to express the depth of feeling that the author derives from the song of the birds. These words, however, do not really capture such a strong emotion. Perhaps a phrase such as “moves mountains within” can better illustrate those feelings inside that so moved the author. The imagery used here helps convey the intensity and magnitude of the author’s feeling. These words also sound pleasing, with alliteration of the “m” sound at the beginning and the “n” sound at the ends of the last two words.
The next revision looks and sounds like this:
“The birds’ morning song moves mountains within.”
Now, the revisions are almost complete. As it is now, the line does not really express the author’s desire to fly with the birds. Our prior revision helps to clarify the author’s deep emotion but leaves out the desire to fly. Since it is morning, the author has probably just awoken to the singing, so perhaps “I rise to fly” would be good. These words are filled with action that surpasses the wish to soar with the birds and instead supposes that they author can fly though it may be in spirit rather than reality. The “i” sound that appears three times in this short phrase sounds good in contrast to the previous repetition of the harder “n” and “m” sounds.
Here is the result of the third revision:
“The birds’ morning song moves mountains within and I rise to fly.”
One final change could be made here. As it is a truly unnecessary word, “The” could be removed altogether. “Birds’ morning song” is a beautiful and adequate expression of what the author hears when he awakes.
Now that your revisions are complete, compare the two lines of poetry:
“The singing of the birds in the morning makes me want to fly with them.”
Versus
“Birds’ morning song moves mountains within and I rise to fly.”
The original line of poetry sounds almost like a statement of fact, whereas the second, revised line sounds lyrical, ethereal and more like a statement of feeling.
Rules of Revising
Revision of this one line of poetry took three groups of changes. It may even take more than that to give your work that correct meaning and sound, but it is essential in order to make your first thoughts into a good poem. Poetry is a brief look into the soul through careful description of feeling, yet it takes as much effort to polish a poem as it does to complete a short story.
As E. C. Stedman wrote: “Poetry is an art, and chief of the fine arts; the easiest to dabble in, the hardest in which to reach true perfection.”
Important things to remember when you have written poetry and are faced with the task of revising:
--Use your Thesaurus (or use the online Thesaurus here at Poetry.com – just click on “Need Help Rhyming?”). It is a valuable source for those words that might not come quickly to mind but may help you express your ideas more accurately and vividly.
--Remember that the use of imagery and symbolism can give your poem a special depth. If you are too literal in your writing, your readers may be able to relate only to your words and not to any deeper meaning.
--Avoid phrases, images, and rhymings that are overused clichés, such as shady nook, babbling brook, moon-June, etc. Be creative and explore new words and descriptions.
--Be objective. This is difficult since it is easy to confuse the power of your feelings with your original words. Don’t make your first draft sacred. Time and thought help your work blossom and revisions allow for new thoughts to seep into and flavor your poetry.
Your original writings capture your strongest emotions. Your revisions should do that as well, but they can also reveal just how much you care about your work and your desire to fashion words in the most lyrical and beautiful way.
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